z
zeldathemes

Horrible investigation checks

yourplayersaidwhat:

So basically one of our players, who is a alcoholic Druid, was stuck in jail and was pissing off the guy in the cell next to hers.
DM/Prisoner: You know I think there’s some alcohol in that straw over there
Druid: REALLY!?!?!?
So she begins investigating the straw
12
DM: It’s straw
9
DM: It’s straw
10
DM: It’s straw
4
DM: Is it straw?
And I was not prepared for that and I almost spat out my water

psychoetheric:

psychoetheric:

straight dude: what if my d&d character was like really violently homophobic. not because i am but like it would be dark and edgy

me: (internally) oscar wilde was right

image

in reference to this quote (tho he was also just right in general)

warmpockets:

warmpockets:

i’m watching an art theft documentary and they’re interviewing this art history professor from new york who was asked to go with the fbi to authenticate a rubens that had been stolen but it was a sting operation so they had to pretend like they weren’t the fbi, that they were some private buyer about to pay $3.5 million for it, and the fbi was like “this is a VERY delicate operation because you never know how they will react to what you have to say so let the agent do all of the talking, don’t say a word to anyone just nod if it’s the rubens, the last operation we did the guy in your position got shot because things went wrong in a second” and then it cuts to the professor’s interview and he says “i wasn’t going to fly down to miami to be a part of an undercover fbi sting operation to handle what could be rubens’s aurora and just NOT say anything. i was gonna have to ad lib a little” and then he tells the interviewer that when he & the fbi agent got to the hotel while he was examining the painting he started lecturing the other people, first on how badly they had wrapped it, and then about like how it had been painted, the history of it, what the subject was and what she was doing, etc etc, and he was like “i hadn’t taught a class on rubens in 15 years, so for me it was like being back in the classroom except my students couldn’t leave” 

at one point during the deal the professor turned to the woman selling it and he said “isn’t this just the most beautiful rubens you’ve ever seen outside of a museum?” (because the fbi had told him earlier that this piece had been stolen from a museum) and THEN he said “where on earth did you get it from?” and the group of people the woman had with her was like taxidermy-fox.png but the woman was like “inheritance” can you IMAGINE the fbi agent about to have a fucking aneurysm when this random guy you’ve brought in just to nod if it’s the right painting not only starts giving an impromptu lecture but then he asks how they got it

candy5hark11:

candy5hark11:

why are people talking about overwatch again

image
image

you cant fool me. trying to make me learn shit

reagan-was-a-horrible-president:

squidglovesoff:

africanaquarian:

africanaquarian:

apparently food inspections stopped bc of the shutdown so things bout to be real fucked up for some of us

“The Food and Drug Administration has stopped routine food safety inspections of seafood, fruits, vegetables and many other foods at high risk of contamination because of the federal government’s shutdown…”

Thanks Trump.

Don’t forget to “thank” the Republicans too.

This could all be over if they wanted it to be.

lunariagold:

Spirits, guardians and familiars… Part 2 (there IS a part 2 I did it hahaha wooo): 

-Magpie and rutilated quartz

-Field mouse and celestite

-Skunk and sulfur (had to do the stinky-but-pretty buddies)

-Seagull and pearls

-Red fox and ruby/corundum

joey-wheeler-official:

lvl-5-kobold:

i just had the funniest experience in vr chat, i joined a random server and the one i joined had Japanese people so i waddled around in my goofy club penguin avatar that i have saved, after a while a guy walks up to me and clones my avatar so were both penguins then another guy shows up and clone my avatar

image

now keep in mind there only speaking Japanese i don’t know what they are saying, then another guy joins in, so i got a group of three penguin friends

image

we just waddle around and goof about, the one of them tries to talk to me, but not only do i not have a mic i also don’t speak Japanese, they figure out i don’t speak Japanese and start listing various places, they get the part of being European right, and after listing a lot of places they ask if im from the UK and when i nod they all just start cheering. after hanging out for a while one of them gets real close to me and whispers…

image

“penguin brothers forever”

CLUB PENGUIN 2!!!

image
hebbez:
“”

hebbez:

image
positive-memes:
“I threw it back into the ocean
”

positive-memes:

I threw it back into the ocean